For several weeks even months heck probably years I have just gone through the motions of life. As things have happen in life my best way is to laugh, cover it up and move on never deal with it in the way it should be dealt with. Not to long ago I have finish 1 bible study dealing with of those things that I have threw dirt on and move on and it has left me wanting to deal with a lot more so I can have the freedom I deserve. Right as I finish that bible study and was trying to figure out now where I am to go with this my sweet beautiful cousin posted these status updates on FB and it really hit me and was what I needed that day. I can't tell you exactly what was going on and what my mind thought at the moment but I can tell you it made me cry and thank God for what I call His love notes of remainder I am never probably going to get out of some people what I should but from God there is healing, He loves me, He wants me, He will comfort, restore and bring me peace.. When I reach for Him... Here is her status update..
Alcohol, drugs, pride, lies, addiction, they destroy families. They leave people empty, hurt and trying to make sense of a painful past. They don't only destroy the one who partakes in those things, the damage goes far beyond that persons mind and body. It overflows to the ones that surround them, that love them, the ones that give them chance after chance to become apologetic and start the process of repairing the damage. But instead of peace and healing they are often left holding, in both hands; hate, resentment, pain, vices and a wound that refuses to heal! To those people, to those families I say this. Jesus is the only one that can heal, restore, comfort and bring peace! Reach for Him! He will never let you down! Don't let the pain, struggle and demons of someone else drag you down! Stand firm in who and what God says you are! You are loved! You are wanted! You are His treasure! Don't you forget that! We pray for bondages to be loosed. And chains to be broken! Amen!
This was the other status update and I wish I could say I was ready to share my full story with you right now but I am not but I know one day I will when Jesus is ready for me too, but I look at this status and it was one I wanted to share with others so they could be free and maybe I could too...
The devil uses your past to keep you in bondage. Jesus uses your past to set others free. Don't let the devil silence freedom, tell your story!
Here is the story I will share...
I was adopted when I was 4 days old all my life I told of this sweet story about how my parents got me. I never care to know anymore than that story and I was content with life. Then in my 20's I was told of another story and it was not so sweet at all and at that point I started thinking maybe I should really find my birth parents not to meet them or have a relationship with them but to know my medical history. I had already 2 children at the time and going into the doctor them asking about the medical part sometimes I would answer what I knew my adopted parents family had and sometimes I would be truthful and put adopted on the paper work. Years went on and I have had a friend offer to help me search for them even to the point she had the lady in Columbia call me and she left a message and I have kept voice message on my phone for the last 8 years. Then about 5 year ago I had to get my long form birth certificate and on it said I was born in Orangeburg County not in Pickens County like I thought so now the wheels are really turning not only do I want to the see the medical history but now it has come to "where did I come from".. I wish to say I could ask those questions and get the answers but I can't they cause people to say hateful things to others, push you out of their life. So I am left empty of not really knowing my story.. I can say that I God bless me with 2 amazing sisters and some great nieces and nephew and the rest of the family too. I hate I ran from them for so long and miss out on so much of life with my family. I love to see everyone but when I leave I always feel like I was out of place and feeling sad think it is cause I miss so many years that those connections are not there and I am sure it is the devil too... I know that God has already written my story but sometimes I just want to say really God can rewrite those years and go back and do it all over again.. But I trust in Him..
So while here on earth I may never know the truth of how I got here, where my blood lines are, and what I really need to be watching for as I get older I do have one assurance and that my true adoption was with my heavenly Father, Abba Father!! He knows my story and even though all the rebellion I have had in my younger years and even today to where I have failed Him, ran from Him, there is on e truth He loves me NO matter what. He chose me and wanted me, He is Father of grace, forgiveness, mercy, discipline, wisdom, comfort and love...He does that for me but how to do I love back, what is love?
That is another subject I wonder around with. I am not telling this to make anybody look bad, to have any pity for me but when you come to a point and face the facts that neither your birth or adopted parents want you and have not felt that love you begin to question what it really is... I am now doing a bible study call He Is My All and it focus on God's love.. I am going to admit it, it has been hard and the devil keeps me busy and keeps control of my mind. So I am praying him away and praying for my heavenly Father to come and guide me through this journey. I don't want a head knowledge anymore I want a heart knowledge. Through my other bible study I had done with 3 special ladies I learn to accept that His love IS for me too and just not for everybody else.so that is step 1. In this one it talks about loving God with all your heart (spiritual life), soul (emotional life), strength (physical life) and mind (thought life) and I want to love the Lord like this and more so.. I need to learn not to humanize God love and compare it to others because His love is marvelous, faithful and steadfast no human can give you that only He can. So while I am only on week 3 of this new bible study and I am processing on how to love God and to really accept His love for me. There was one part in the lesson this week that really hit home.. "When things go wrong we fall apart and run from the love God has for us. We become disappointed, depleted and worn out" I think I could of wrote that.. I am tired of running I ready to feel that love... Another sweet friend share this with me last night and it was another little love note from my Daddy just what I needed to hear at the time..
You are not an accident. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose. Focusing on yourself will never reveal your purpose. You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense. Only in God do we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance, and our destiny.
